If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
