I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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