New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
