look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
