ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
