Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
