Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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