Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
