I'm passing your future prison.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
