listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize