her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
