so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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