her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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