How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Damn victory sex feels great
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
