the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
