You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
