Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he thought i was a dude.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
