In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
