Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
