There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
