It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
