I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
