3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
