Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
