Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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