Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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