so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
