i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize