My nipple is on Facebook.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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