I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
