Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
