Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
