So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize