when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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