It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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