i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
