i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
