just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
