i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
