theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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