he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
