Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
