I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
