I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
