dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
