This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
