My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
