i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
