we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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