You made me cry and you don't even care
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
