She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
