It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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