Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
