We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
