First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
