I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
