At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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