i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
