I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
