I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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