It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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