I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
