For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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